Friday, January 30, 2009

You Mayn't know this...

Friday, January 30, 2009

Today in the Kaed Musolla Zalikha told me that a lot of people say I'm unnaturally, weirdly quiet. To which, she replied "Biarlah...!" (thanks Za)

I know I'm quiet. Unnaturally? Maybe sometimes. Ok, maybe more than sometimes. But thats just one part of a million-faceted MH.

First, there are language barriers. I'm not naturally conversant, even less so when I speak Malay. Very the kekok. The number of times my name would have been up on the 'bolog' would be embarrassing. Thankfully I don't speak that much, no one notices, or even if they do, they don't put me up. not that I would care lol.

But in my Presentation skills class, I'm more talkative. Perhaps its because my very bubbly friend Sumeyra is with me, perhaps its because its presentation skills after all. Perhaps its because I know that these people don't know me, they don't have any assumptions as to how and who I am. For all they know, I could be a foul-mouthed chatterbox (hopefully i'm not) I'm in with a (relatively) clean canvas for others to paint on.

Then my family know me, how I'm like at home. My sister once told her friends that I'm actually very crazy.weird at home and I like to make nonsensical blurbs. They, of course, wouldn't believe it. I doubt anyone would, because no one except my family sees it. Even my family doesn't see it all. When I was a little girl my mother tells me I was always bubbling around asking questions non-stop about everything under the sun. When people asked me how come I changed, i answer "I came to Malaysia." That may sound snooty and stuff but what I mean is when I moved back here, I didn't speak Malay. So therefore I didn't speak. And truth be told - I remember that even when I was in Canada I was still shy. At least at school. I guess when I came back home i went question-berserk to make up for my keeping mum during school

So yeah - I'm weird. And before, I used to mind it terribly. After all, I was always the outcast - the weird one out. But now I don't mind. Its liberating.


I've become a studio rat (to my standards) all my free time is spent in the studio - so far its been wrking drawings, site analysis and precedent studies.

13 hitchhikers:

aizat said...


Anonymous said...

"I came to Malaysia..."

So true. I can tell you that it had an effect on me too... on all of us probably :( except for Haneef who was too young... so he doesn't have an 'excuse' :P

But it doesn't matter what they say. As long as you're comfortable with who you are, and as long as you respect yourself, your personality, your opinions, and your views, everything will turn out A-OK. :D

Anonymous said...

its not u weird mayam.. its awesomely unique!;p atleast u hav 'reason'. me? maybe something wrong with asome nerves at my temporal lobe hehe.oh sorry if i 'make' u talk malay n kekok.. just talk comfortabubbly after this ha. ill try my part..:)

anisah shurfa said...

I remember when I first came to Malaysia... I could only speak broken Kelantanese. LOL!

I can totally empathise with this post, being a bit of a loner myself. I believe there's nothing wrong in not talking or keeping quiet. What's so unnatural about that? Unless you keep quiet while staring weirdly at other people from afar. Now THAT is freaky ;-)

It's strange, but many people in UIA take offense to quiet people. If you don't hang out in a large crowd of noisy girls, if you walk alone to class, if you don't chatter pointlessly to every person you meet, you're immediately perceived as a weirdo. Or stuck-up. It's frustrating. Not everyone's an extrovert.

But who cares what other people think or say about you, as long as you're happy, right? :)

Unknown said...

@aizat :P nama Aizat dah banyak kali naik dah - org selalu salah pronounce kan? aziat, aijat hehe

@my-big-bro (khair?) problem is i don't trust myself enough. i trust other people's opinions more because i can't seem to make up my mind. that, or i don't wanna have the responsibility of making decisions on me.

@anonymous saya perlu cakap BM untuk melatih diri. Kalau tak sekarang, bila lagi? Dan awak sangatlah tak "weird" in the bad way.nothing wrong with you up there - you have to believe it.<3

@anisah apparently i do gaze off into the distance and according to azwar i do give ppl weird looks. but i don't stare weirdly...!

"not everyone's an extrovert"


Anonymous said...


Moon said...

sit in a corner and stare at people? ooopps. do that all the time...

Anonymous said...

It's sad how society looks down on introverts. Listen to what my lecturers said in class,

Lecturer 1: "Class, I advise you, don't EVER marry an introvert, you are only creating trouble for yourself!"

Lecturer 2: (adjectives to describe an introvert).. "quiet, reserved, SLOW, passive.." *waitaminute*! Did she just say "slow"?!!

Haha. I was incredulous both times, I mean did Lecturer 1 really think that in the class of 50+ students there were no introverts? Maybe she wasn't as sensitive to others' feelings as introverts are.

"I used to mind it terribly", I'm so glad you've let go of that. I've gone through lot of personal suffering myself, I'm not sure if anyone would have gone through that much. I am (or used to be) extremely sensitive to others' opinions.. I ultimately needed medical attention.. Could you believe that?

But us, after going through 20+ years of life, and trying to revise our life over and over again to find reasons for being the way we are (and we can find hundreds if we believe there are hundreds ;) ), and going through phases of ‘pretending’ or experimenting and trying SO hard to either change or be happy with our personalities.. And receding to find comfort in the silent darkness every once in a while, where there’s no one telling us how we should or shouldn’t be.. I think we’ve grown to really know ourselves.. And make room for ‘ourselves’ inside of us, the personality that we fought with, and rebuked throughout our lives, we now acknowledge and respect. Now there’s room for personal growth. I think the whole experience has helped us and made us wiser in ways which others can never experience/ imagine.

The most assuring thought is that God chose to make us like this, and He is the Most Merciful and the All-Wise, so there is wisdom in it. Having this nature has saved us from what others are in constant danger of (we’re fortunate) and perhaps other people are getting a chance to learn and improve themselves, by getting to know us (we‘re making others reflect).

Lots of Love <3 :)

(I guess you know who PS aka EV is now ;).)

Unknown said...

ah ps!! I can't believe I couldn't place who you were! it seems so obvious now - who else would have such depth and eloquence? But a question - when did you have to seek medical attention? was it during our school?

whatever the case, Thank you so much for your wise words and I'm happy to say, I think we turned out alright :) And I've always admired how you could quietly but firmly stand up for what you believe in. Its a whole lot more than I could ever do. you always know and do whats right. I'm trying to learn how to do that myself...Thanls again<3

shaqyl said...

it's always better to hold your tongue than lash it out anyway ;p

i'm quiet too~

shaqyl said...

it's shaqyl btw not greenteam

Anonymous said...

They got a saying in Germany, mate:

Menschen ohne Macke sind Kacke.

People without oddities are... poo (to put it politely). Everyone's got their quirks, and being an introvert (and what not)is hardly blameworthy, huh?

But you don't need to hear this from any of us... you seem to have things worked out pretty well urself! Cheers!

Anonymous said...

i like ur post bout being an introvert.
it's liberating when we accept the way we are, our uniqueness.

and i think you should try to talk malay to ur friends. they might make fun of u at first but i believe if they see ur determination they'll make no more fun of u and will try to help u. why don't u give a try? and i'm sure u'll find it rewarding.

anyway, believe in urself and cheerio mate!

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