Sunday, November 22, 2009

Let go

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Emotions - how much are you supposed to show, how much are supposed to hide?
Strength - when lashing out shows weakness, and mistrust breeds contempt
Time - how long is too long, how short is too short
Freedom - how do you define it and what are you ever free from
Thoughts - they change so do you blurt out all your rash thoughts or keep them brewing
Space - when too close for comfort is too big a space for some
Mood - can you detect it, can you ignore it
Simplicity - wouldn't you want to uncomplicate your relationships? wouldn't you want to be happy?
Burden - does anyone want to be one? do you consciously remind yourself not to be?
Talk - most times its better to say nothing at all. a lot of times, its all lost in translation.

*

Drink up, baby down
Mmm, are you in or are you out
Leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
These mishaps
You bubble wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So let go, jump in
Oh well, whatcha waiting for
It's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So let go, just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later now
You can't await your own arrival
You've 20 seconds to comply

So let go, jump in
Oh well, whatcha waiting for
It's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So let go, just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So let go, jump in
Oh well, whatcha waiting for
It's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So let go, just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown


Monday, November 16, 2009

Trust

Monday, November 16, 2009


The holidays are finally here, after a grueling semester that for some has not even finished yet. This semester, I’ve gone out on the proverbial limb and trusted people for the first time in a very long time. I suppose it started from the second semester in my 2nd year, where I settled into the studio groove more (due, in part, to working drawing), or maybe during the short semester, where I had multi-disciplinary project with my juniors. It out me in a new situation where I didn’t know anyone but I didn’t feel intimidated by them as much as I felt intimidated by my own batch back when I was a freshie. I don’t know where this new found ability to trust came from. Maybe it was the long hours we spent cooped up in the same space, maybe it was the long conversations, the observations, being comfortable in their presence. Maybe, architecture students just tend to do that more. I don’t know. But it seems logical. After all, we see the best and the worst in people here, in all stages of their daily life, from looking like hell to looking sharp, moody to elation, etc etc. we’re there morning, day, and night, hours and hours on end, through thick and thin. Maybe that’s where trust stems from. I would never have imagined ever telling anybody anything remotely private. Noncommittal ambiguity was my modus operandi. But people are curious beings, and people look for comfort in others. And I can see the difference, or rather, I can feel the difference. I was quite uptight in my first year, scared, cautious, distanced, and really quite alone. Now I think I’m a lot more relaxed. But I don’t know if that’s an entirely good thing. After all, limits are limits and trust is easily destroyed. It’s hard for me to trust people just because I’m afraid they’d break my trust. I don’t know. I just hope I’ve trusted the right people. Wallahualam.


Monday, November 9, 2009

Hello. Goodbye.

Monday, November 9, 2009


Hello, you

Its been a long time since we’ve talked, how have you been? I’m sorry that I’ve been neglecting you, but actually it couldn’t be helped. You're not exactly the kind of person I think people would like. I don’t understand you. You’re a mix of contradictions. You’re a walking oxymoron, and you don’t even know what you want.

Okay, I don’t want to turn this into a accusatory letter but you expect other people to understand your wildly seclusive ways when you don’t even understand yourself. And you say you can take criticism but oh, you have no idea what criticism really is. You make up all these delusions and you’re stricken when they don’t come true, when you really have no right to be upset. After all, what did you do to make your dreams come true other that sit around waiting, wishing?

You told me once about your paranioa issues, and I know, I understand. But you told me that you had it settled, you knew how to control it. But now I see you and you’re the epitome of paranoia. Maybe you could be right but your assumptions are almost always baseless.

Sometimes, I pity you. You put up a front which people mistake for being brave, but really its just a fa├žade of blankness covering up your doubts. Buck up, you. Or your life will never be anything fulfilling, just a bland journey with a meager conclusion.


Sunday, November 8, 2009

Think

Sunday, November 8, 2009


It's hard to please everybody but its even harder to please yourself, especially when you don't know who you are, what you want, and where you're going.

I want to find peace when i'm confused
I want to have hope when i'm let down



I want to clean up the mess I made
And tie up any loose ends. But where do I begin? And how?




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