Thursday, June 10, 2010

Midweek semi-update ramblefest

Thursday, June 10, 2010

When dreams start interfering in reality and clouding our minds, is it time to put those dreams to rest?

Let’s compromise

I’m a person who sets very high standards for myself. In school, for example, I expect myself to get excellent grades. That doesn’t mean I’m a study freak, with my nose buried in textbooks all day long. Geek/nerd I may be, but studious, I’m not. I try really hard to pay attention in class (as opposed to falling asleep, which happens in about 90% of the time), and rarely skip any lessons if I can help it. In high school this was easy enough, I actually distinctly remember not doing my chemistry and maths homework. Maths I only did on submission day, while the teacher was collecting the assignments, I would be at the back of the class just starting it. For chemistry, my mom was my teacher, and its not because of that that I didn’t do my work, but I knew how busy she was and that she’d never get around to marking it anytime soon. In retrospect, I suppose I should’ve done my assignments but in the end I managed to get decent grades, so that was ok.

Now in university I still expect the best out of myself but its actually scary that my standards have dropped. I still get decent grades, but it seems like there’s something missing. When most of your assignments are groupwork and the lecturers grade you by group, its hard to bring everyone up to your standards. I’m not saying everyone is lower than me, in fact I know they are very smart and all. But we have different standards,strengths, and methods of working. Its one of the challenges I suppose, and one you have to deal with. But personally, since I expect better of myself, and lecturers expect better of me too, I always feel like I have a duty to do everything. I’m terrible at telling people what to do and delegating… A friend told me, you shouldn’t ever settle for less. But sometimes, I guess you have to compromise. And I’m not just talking about school, either. Just about everything in life is a compromise, it’s a delicate balance of push and pull.

I have never actually thought of myself as an individual, in the sense that I don’t go out of my way to stand out or strike out. I think it just happened somehow, a result of maybe always moving around, or maybe always feeling different. For example, and I’ve mentioned this in a previous post, in grade school I was the only girl to wear a hijab to class. It was something I just accepted, even though I felt different than the rest of my classmates, I didn’t have a problem with it. I guess I became who I was because of the circumstances I was faced with, and my way of dealing (if you can call it dealing) with them. We are, after all, a product of our choices.

I don’t even know what I’m writing about. Haha just felt like rambling.

Things I want to achieve by the end of the year
1. Crochet/knit something that actually functions
2. Learn a new language(at least a little bit)
3. Teach myself some web design basics
4. Teach myself some graphics/multimedia software
5. Travel

Basically want to be productive

2 hitchhikers:

Anonymous said...

(ummi): !!!!! u really never do my home work on time did you???
yup. the 3 and 4 is strongly advised

.:happy graduating maryam:. ^^

Anonymous said...

hehe. mak maryam komen comel ^^ - qil

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