Sunday, August 22, 2010

Man jadda, wa jada...insha'Allah

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Just came back from dinner with my family. It was okay but the food was nyeh. before dinner started me and my mom and sister were talking...

me: ummi, if i dont get a scholarship i can't go eh?
ummi: Insha'Allah you will get one
me: yeah, i can, but like canada, i got a scholarship, but i still couldn't go. it wasnt enough.
Ummi: yeah i meant if you get a full scholarship, you can go lah.
moon: (something along the lines of) thats stupid, if maryam doesn't get a full scholarship she cant go. Just go lah!

I don't know if i can do it. getting a full scholarship is so hard. and i dont know if i can take the dissapointment again. Canada is still fresh. it still hurts a lot. i still tear up. i had to stop the conversation with my mom because i was starting to cry. and its a birthday dinner so crying would not have been appropriate. reading all the prospectuses and applying gets your hopes up so high, you get so excited, you think of all the opportunity and adventure and experiences you would get. and you get accepted, which means youre good enough to go. but not good enough to get a good enough amount of funding. and that burns. it burns because your best is not good enough. it burns because even though you are accepted, you don't have enough money or dont know the right people to make it possible. it burns because you knew this was going to happen but you hoped and hoped and all of it ended in nothing. it burns.
but, insha'Allah khair. even though trying rips a hole through you, its the only way you'll ever know. try your best and leave the rest to Allah. What is meant to happen happen will happen. *brave face*

3 hitchhikers:

Unknown said...

if youre not going to ausie, im not going too. :( even i got half fee scholarship now. i'm trying to get for you too. if you get the offer letter tell me. *semoga Allah permudahkan urusan"

btw, yam nak g canada ke even x accredated?

Unknown said...

btw, agreed with moon. just go lah. we can make money there. i'A. ajil said its highly possible

Anonymous said...

i'll pray for u. kalau maryam dapat alhamdullillah. kalau maryam xdapat dunt ever regret because Allah knows the best for u. Apa yg kita rasa terbaik utk kita kadang2 tak semestinye terbaik utk kita.

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