Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Every heart beat sends a million knives through my veins
Every thought sends a sharp stab through my heart
Every vision releases a waterfall of tears
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
So the second semester of my B.Arch started today...and from the looks of it its going to be more packed than the last semester.
Last semester's exam results came out. the semester I felt that there was a real possibility that I'd fail every single subject. It's always worst right before the exams. But after sitting for them, they didn't seem that bad. And Alhamdulillah, berkat doa atok, kawan2, parents, I managed to pass with quite good marks.
This sem though, honestly, I'm scared.
I messed up a lot of things last semester. I screwed things up. I was so busy it seemed like I didn't have time to manage my own life and my relationships with people around me. I'm scared that this sem will be the same, or worse.
It's the end of day 1 and already I have 2 assignments, have to think of a topical studies area, thesis, synopsis, Kyoto protocol, add, drop, move in, research on high-rise, polish up holiday assignment.
Yesterday I was feeling very down. I really didn't want to go back to school. but towards the end of the day, I slowly tried getting myself mentally prepared. I ended up thinking, this sem is going to suck real bad. but I'm going to try my best anyway and I'm going to be great!
By the end of today, that flame has all but died off.
Oh Allah, give us strength to face your challenges
Wisdom and courage to make the right choices
Patience for when times get tough
And focus when our minds wander
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
-Desiderata, Max Ehrmann
Sunday, January 15, 2012
I was listening to the radio one day during a rather funny incident (a story for another time) and they were interviewing Nora. She was talking about her...transformation? and journey to becoming a better Muslim. And something she said struck me. It was something like,
"Orang selalu fikir, kalau ber-hijab susah nak cari makan sebagai artis etc2, tapi kita kena ingat, rezeki tu bukan datang dari manusia. Rezeki tu dari Allah. Dan kalau rezeki tu Allah dah tentukan kita yang punya, tak kisah lah jauh mana pun rezeki tu, akan sampai jugak kat kita. Dan kalau rezeki tu Allah tak maksudkan untuk kita, walau depan mata pun, kita takkan dapat rezeki tu."
A rough translation is,
People always think that it would be hard to make a living as an artist (singer/actor etc) if you wear the hijab. But you have to remember that rizq doesn’t come from people, it comes from Allah. And if Allah has determined that the rizq is meant for you, then no matter how far away it is, you will get it. And if Allah deems that the rizq is not meant for you, then even if it’s right in front of your eyes, you won’t get it.
It struck me because I’d been thinking about all my offers to study overseas. The ones I applied for while clinging to hopes that maybe a miracle would happen and I’d land a scholarship that would let me go and further my studies overseas. And as the university offers rolled in, I’d get excited, and then disappointed because I couldn't go. As time went by, I didn’t let myself get excited as much. but the disappointment still came. I tried to be all blasé about it, and I thought I’d accepted all of that. But every time I’d hear about people flying off to continue their studies I’d get a sharp jab of emotion and a spell of sadness. Maybe it was jealousy, although I’ve been told that not the right word. It’s not that I hated those who could go or that I wish they didn’t get to, not at all. I just really really wished I could go as well.
But listening to the radio interview made me realise that if I’m here, that means here is where I’m meant to be. And There is not my rezeki. And when I realised that, a sort of peace planted itself in me. I think I might definitely still feel those pangs of emotion whenever I hear of people flying off, or hear about their stories, or see their pictures, but I know that that is their rizq, and this is mine. And I’ll grow to accept that, Insha'Allah. After all, God knows what’s best for me.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Got a message this morning from Lily who I met in 2010 while she was on holiday in Malaysia. She is a lively Parisian who has been travelling all around the world on her own, making friends along the way. We don't talk often at all, but every so often she would drop me messages and they are really the sweetest things. She sent me a postcard once, out of the blue, from when she was in Bali. and every 'Eid, new year (Islamic and Gregorian) she would email me wishing me and my family all the best and hoping that our paths will cross again.. For someone I only met for a couple of weeks, its really nice of her to still remember me and take time and effort to write me emails and send me Parisian bisous <3
|Hani, Lily, Lina, and Maryam, Summer 2010|
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Ok I'm procrastinating again. My exams are not over yet but I already have a list of thing I want to/have to do this holiday :D I have a month. I'm sure i'm being over ambitious, but here it is, in no particular order:
- Sew something! because i'm a total absolute noob, probably something simple. like a handkerchief. haha. ok maybe a pouch/purse thing.
- Continue to work on my knitting/crocheting - even out the stitches, edges, and make something instead of just incomplete pocket squares which turn out looking like triangles.
- Write more - here, there, everywhere. to myself, to friends. on this blog.
- Sketch things - whatever ideas i have basically. could be about the above mentioned projects, architecture, crafts or anything else.
- Papercrafts - make cards and other fun things
- Clean my room - ohoho yes
- Fix my clock face - its broken so i want to make a pretty new one
- Organise my year by putting things into a calender
- Maybe tinker with this blog design
- Research on highrise - services, structures, examples, green tech applicable, materials, case studies
- Do the assignment madam told us to do - what setbacks i experienced this year, how i plan to improve upon them, and what my expectations are for B.Arch
- I also want to travel
- Hang out with friends. this can be done together with item no.12
- Bake. or make bagels.
- Finish my Zelda game. By finish I mean win, of course. Come on Ethan you can do it!!
- Continue those french lessons I long abandoned.
- read more Qur'an and its translations - review those surahs that are fading /have faded from memory
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Oh. I should mention that I’m having exams because I decided to continue my Part 2 in architecture. It kind of a difficult concept to explain, whenever I say I’ve taken up studying again people always say, oh, you’re doing your masters? And I have to try and explain that it’s not a masters degree even though it’s at the masters level. For the benefit of anyone randomly traipsing through the web and happened to find my blog by searching for Part 2 bachelor of architecture in UIA (IIUM) I’ll break it down
In Malaysia, to become a licensed architect you need to pass three parts or stages. The first stage is Part 1. In IIUM, Part one is called Bachelor of Science (architectural Studies). It’s mostly the same for other public universities in Malaysia, except some universities combine part one and part 2 into a 5 year course. But in my case, after completing part one; you would have graduated with your first degree.
Then you can either choose to enrol in Part 2 if you want to continue immediately or work first (as I did) or just not continue at all, or continue in other fields. With a part one degree your position in an architecture firm would most probably be that of an assistant architect, though the specific workload you’ll receive as well as the pay differs from firm to firm. I worked for a year before deciding to continue my Part 2.
Part 2 in IIUM and generally most public universities in Malaysia, again, is called Bachelor of Architecture. Even though it’s technically almost a masters degree level/postgraduate course. Well actually, it IS a postgraduate course since we already graduated the first time around. But anyways. In Australia, part 2 is called masters of Architecture, whole in the UK, they don’t have a standard name for the degree, which I think makes it even more confusing, in some universities it is a masters course, while others might call it a postgraduate diploma, postgraduate degree, etc. I guess the confusing part is just the naming. Because it is another undergraduate degree in the eyes of the university, but at postgraduate level, while we have to register as double degree holders. Yeah I don’t think this is helping very much.
Anyway, after completing part 2, you graduate again, and have to work in the architecture industry for a minimum of 2 years before you are allowed to take the part 3 professional exams. There’s no official course you have to go through (I don’t know of any anyways), although there are study groups conducted. If you manage to pass the part 3 exams (if I’m not mistaken there are 2 parts of the exam, written and an interview/oral exam) then you finally become an architect with an Ar. In front of your name. I’ve heard many horror stories about the part 3 exam, and they all seem to be true, the passing rate for the exam is less than 10%!!
Erm yeah so that’s basically it. I can’t be entirely sure what I’ve written is 100% correct and I know it’s definitely not comprehensive, but that’s what I understand anyways.
Where was I? Oh yes. Part 2. I decided to continue part 2. Like my first degree, I planned to do it elsewhere, to have a different experience and to move out of my comfort zone. Applications were filled; certificates and transcripts photocopied, and sent to various universities and scholarship organisations in Australia and New Zealand. My dad told me to try for the UK as well but I found their application systems to be confusing so I didn’t. One by one the offers came through, each one bringing up a little sparkle of excitement which I had to squash down in order not to be thoroughly disappointed like I was in 2007. Didn’t really work because I got disappointed anyways. So again, I sent in local applications, and UIA accepted me and I went. I don’t think I’m quite over it though, because whenever I hear of people flying off, I get a little pang of jealousy and yearning that brings my whole mood down.
The first semester of part 2 proved to be extremely extremely trying and tiring. The stream of assignments never seemed to stop, and the expectations were very high. I don’t think I coped well at all. After having gone through one semester of it, I’m seriously wondering if I want to continue or not. I’m seriously considering quitting. Because even though I like architecture, I appreciate it and all, I don’t see myself enjoying any aspect of it in terms of a job. I wanted to continue my part 2 to see whether I’d want to really be an architect, and to learn the things I needed to know to become a good architect in the field, since when I was working, there was so much that I didn’t know. But now, one semester wiser, I think I might be inching closer to a definite answer. I don’t think I’d want to be an architect like the ones I have worked with/for. If I was to be one, I don’t think I’d open up my own form or even work in one. I’d work on projects that I liked, without chasing clients and so on. I don’t know if that’s a feasible model to work on but I don’t think the stress of the whole architecture industry would suit me. Not just the stress, but the whole business side of it. From what I observed, the priority in the architecture industry was to make money, not to design functional and beautiful buildings that would benefit the community or help people. Of course that’s a narrow perspective having only worked in one firm and heard stories from my colleagues/classmates who have worked as well. Maybe I’ve just yet to find a firm that suits me, and whose main aim isn’t just to make money.
Well I think this post is long and rambling enough as it is, so I’ll save my abstract thought for another time. I have to get back to studying anyways.
I have kitties available for adoption if you want one! they are all super cute and cuddly :)
|l-r: 1. BonBon Mignon, the curious adventurous one |
2. DimSum (not available for adoption) the cuddly fluffball
3. Souffle, the blue eyed boss
4. Kimchi, the little cutie with puss-in-boot eyes
5. Truffle, the handsome, active and playful one